ttending a funeral may be something you are doing for the first time, and you may be wondering how you should behave and what you should do…this article is a guidline to general practice at funerals. The family of the person who’s life you are celebrating may well inform you of other expectations etc. Here we aim to answer some of the frequently asked questions that come into conversation when organising or attending a funeral.
What do I wear to a funeral?
Traditionally the colour black is associated with grieving and mourning the dead. However, things are changing in the sense that people are looking more towards celebrating the life of the deceased as opposed to more religious connotations. In the first instance, it would be wise to check with the family as to whether they have any special requests, such as bright colours, or a pink button hole for the men. You should look to dress smartly unless told otherwise. Darker coloured clothing is a good bet unless you have heard otherwise.
Someone has passed away, am I able to attend their funeral or do I need an invite?
It may be that you learn about the passing of someone you know and decide you would like to attend. Unless the family have announced that it is to be a private ceremony, it is likely that you will be able to attend. Often families may communicate how to let them know you are attended so they are able to cater for numbers. If the details of the funeral have been announced publicly, on social media or in the local paper for example, then you should be able to see from this whether it is suitable for you to attend. If in doubt, contact the family in a respectful way, the likelihood is that they will be pleased people want to come and celebrate the life of their loved one.
Do I need to take anything with me?
In the funeral announcement it should state whether the flowers expected are family flowers only. Often there is a charity element where donations are asked for on behalf of a charity that meant something to the deceased, This may be arranged directly through the family or through the funeral home. However, on the actual day of the funeral you may wish to take the following with you;
- Tissues; emotions can run extremely high during a funeral service
- A donation to the chosen charity, or flowers if appropriate
- A card where you may wish to share a fond memory of the deceased inside
Who goes into the service first, the family and guests or the coffin?
Where the funeral takes place in a church it is more common that guests first take their seats and then the coffin is carried through. In a crematorium, it is more common that the coffin leads, followed directly by the immediate family and then other guests. You are likely to be directed to what his happening at the funeral by a family representative or the funeral director.
Is it appropriate for me to attend the wake?
The family will usually announce at the end of the service or it will be included in the printed Order of Service. It may also have been announced with the funeral announcement. It is common practice that you attend the wake immediately following the service as often there are only a couple of hours where the family expect to be in attendance. If there is a ‘book of memories’ at the wake, make sure you are clear on who you are as the family will often look back through this when they are reflecting on the passing of their loved one.
